Scientist – To another scientist eating lunch at a subway

So then we took Sgt. Hayward's DNA, and made a clone of him. Tragically, something was messed up with the cloning thing, and the Hayward clone ended up being a female. This female clone of Sgt. Hayward proved to be a nuisance and when we (the scientists) tried to exterminate this failed cloning, she escaped, to find her “father”. We realized that this could be bad, and sent the super secret team, S.S.T. The S.S.T. is led by the merciless, fearless leader Agent Marshall. Their mission is to find the Femward and dispose of her before she hurt herself – or worse – someone else.

Narrator

And this, my dear friends, is where the story begins.

Inside the S.S.T.'s Super Sonic Jumbo Plane.

Agent Marshall – to his team

Okay Dudes, and Dudettes, as you already know the Femward's last known whereabouts was some near Manhattan Island, that is, before she ripped the tracking device out of her.

Jessica Hearting – To Marshall

But Ian, how did she know where the tracking device was?

Agent Marshall (Close up, squinty eyes) – To Jessica Hearting

I don't know.

The S.S.T.'s S.S.J.P. screams over the skyline.

Salt Lake City, Utah.

Brian

GAH!!! i thought my life being a Utah Highway Patrolman, an Illinois State Police officer, a DEA operative, and an electrician would be easy...

Brian (Close up, squinty eyes)

How little did i know.

Narrator

For poor Brian, little did he realize that his workload would become a whole lot bigger.

Brian

Good thing i lost my legs back in that tragic accident 5 months ago when i tried to save a little girl out of a burning building, and the roof collapsed, crushing my legs. But thanks to the powers of science, and the fact that i brought an issue of the Avengers to the emergency room – and pointed to Iron Man – I now have Metallic, mechanical, and slightly robotic legs.

Brian, walking to his Super Mustang f-250

And good thing that little girl happened to be the granddaughter of the CEO of Ford Motors, and he invented a Super Mustang f-250 – with a super turbo diesel, electro-magnetically powered, with the top speed of 1500 mph -- and gave it to me as a sign of his appreciation.

Brian, sitting in the driver's seat.

It also helps that I'm a crazy bad-ass motherfucker who doesn't play by the rules. Somehow, I can't help but feel guilty about working 4 jobs at once, i feel as if i am neglecting something – But what?

Close up on Mimi's face, sad.

Inside the S.S.T.'s S.S.J.P.

Julian Maxworthy – To Agent Marshall

We are at Manhattan Island now Agent, what is the plan

Agent Marshall (close up, squinty eyes)

There is no plan, we are just going to run around until we find the Femward, and dispose of her.

Agent Marshall (Wide Shot, looking at the team)

We will split into two teams, Green Team, and Purple Team, G.T. and P.T. For short. Green Team will consist of me, Jessica Hearting, the Golden Butler, The Weeping Willow, and Thief. Purple Team will consist of Julian Maxworthy, Eric Backstabber, the Golden Butler, Abagail Adams, and Red the Pirate-Ninja.

Golden Butler – To Agent Marshall

How come I'm on both teams? Thats physically impossible?!

Agent Marshall – To The Golden Butler

Because, Golden Butler – as much as i don't like it – everyone loves you, you are a mysterious force of vengeance, no one knows who you really are, and where you came from, they just like the way you dish out justice, in your own way. Even though this has caused you to butt heads with the leader of the S.S.T. – myself – and you are trying to steal my girl, Jessica Hearting, using your brash, bad boy style, trying to undermine all the years i spent gathering her love and trust. If you don't like it, then maybe we can have another heated stand off, where i end up being the better man and backing down.

Golden Butler – To Agent Marshall

Well then maybe we should have a heated stand off

Narrator

Agent Marshall glares with strong and hidden hatred at the Golden Butler, and the Golden Butler returns the favor, everyone on the plane can feel the hatred between the two of them. Agent Marshall may have been a little harsh putting the Golden Butler on both teams, forcing him to run back and forth between the two, but it may be something he deserves for what happened 2 months ago.

Agent Marshall – To the Golden Butler

There is no time for this, we need to start looking for the Femward. P.T. your leader is Julian Maxworthy, and you will begin your search somewhere near Queens maybe, i don't know much about New York.

Julian Maxworthy – To Agent Marshall

Well, i do, i am from New York. And what the hell do you mean you don't know much about New York? We are based out of New York. In fact our building the Super Secret Team's Sensationally Superb Safety Tower, or as we who live there call it, the S.S.T.S.S.S.T., is 5 buildings south from the Retaliators Building.

Agent Marshall – To Julian Maxworthy

I'll be honest Julian, i never pay attention.

Agent Marshall (Close up)

I just hope i don't have to try too hard to find Femward

Narrator

Thats a nice thought there Agent Marshall. Too bad that wont be the case, as you will soon find out, for this mission is about to get even deeper and darker than any of you ever would have thought.

Narrator (wide shot of the mysterious building.)

Lets turn our attention now to an abandoned building, 3 buildings north of the S.S.T.S.S.S.T. and a mere 2 buildings south of the Retaliators Building.

Narrator (Inside the hidden passage.)

Deep inside this “abandoned” building, lurks a hidden passage.

Narrator (inside the hidden stairway)

And far down this hidden passage lies a hidden stairway.

Narrator (looking at the hidden door)

And at the bottom of the hidden stairway, a hidden door stands imposing to anyone who dare comes near.

Narrator (wide shot of the hidden laboratory)

And beyond this hidden door in the hidden laboratory...

Narrator (close up shot on Dr. Ultimato)

IS DR. ULTIMATO!! But how is it possible that Dr. Ultimato is back!? He was thrown into a volcano by the Golden Butler on the island of Falusha*.

Editors Note

As readers of the S.S.T. already know. Anyone remember issue #87? the Super Secret Team Vs. Dr. Ultimato Vs. The Living Volcano --- Archive Archie.

Dr. Ultimato – To a hidden shadow

Yes our plan is coming altogether, the S.S.T. Is falling right into my trap, and they have no idea.

The Hidden shadow – to Dr. Ultimato

You better be right Ultimato, my master would be most unpleased if you failed to bring him the Super Secret Team a second time.

Dr. Ultimato (scared) – to the hidden shadow

O-Of course I'm right, i know they will fall into my trap this time... for sure.

The shadow disappears and Dr. Ultimato clinches the air in an angry excitement

Dr. Ultimato

Little did you realize that you too, are falling into my trap!

Narrator

I hate to drag you away from all of this excitement – and questions – who was that shadow? How did Dr. Ultimato live? And why was Dr. Ultimato, The the most powerful being of all existence scared?! But it seems as if the S.S.T. is finally springing into action.

Green team stands in an ally way, looking down at the tracking device.

Agent Marshall – To Jessica Hearting, the Golden Butler, The Weeping Willow, and Thief

Okay Green Team, this is the last known location of Femward. Thief, start looking around from the roof tops. Weeping Willow, start analyzing this tracking device, and myself and Jessica will start to investigate people.

Thief – To Agent Marshall

Right.

The Weeping Willow – To Agent Marshall

Okay.

Thief jumps up to the rooftop, and The Weeping Willow pulls out a magnifying glass out of her pocket and begins to analyze the tracking device.

Agent Marshall Turns to Jessica Hearting.

Agent Marshall – To Jessica Hearting

Well then Jess, lets start to investigate --

The Golden Butler stands in the ally way behind Agent Marshall and Jessica Hearting

the Golden Butler – To Agent Marshall

What am I supposed to be doing while all your little hound dogs run around making fools of themselves there 'Agent' Marshall.

Narrator

Agent Marshall turns to the Golden Butler, they stand so close their noses may have been touching.

What orders did i give you Golden Butler

You didn't give me any 'Agent'

Well then it looks like you need to run off to Purple Te--

You know what!? I'm done being your little pet. I don't need you, and I don't need this team.

Then what are you going to do Golden Butler, you can't just walk off of the team, you owe a lot to the scientists – too much.

The Golden Butler turns his back towards Agent Marshall, looking down at the ground realizing that he may be right.

Agent Marshall – To the Golden Butler

Just because you have no memory of your past, doesn't give you any right to act like a savage. And if i remember correctly you willingly joined the Super Secret Team*. If you want to the scientists to help you regain your memory, then you better start doing what your ordered to do.

Editors Note

Has it really been that long since issue #48? Long Live the Butler? --- Archive Archie.

The Golden Butler stands alone for a moment, collecting himself, then jumps off.

Jessica Hearting – To Agent Marshall

Ian, you really shouldn't be so harsh on the Golden Butler. He really is a good guy once you get passed his cool, calm, se--

Agent Marshall – interrupts Jessica Hearting

--Murderous–

Jessica Hearting

Ian, please. Don't tell me your jealous of him. You know nothing can come between us.

Agent Marshall

Thats what someone keeps telling me.

Narrator

Elsewhere, in the great city of New York City, the Purple Team seems to be accomplishing just as much as the green team has – not a whole lot.

Julian Maxworthy

I don't understand the logic of us starting all the way over here. We had no intel that Femward was anywhere near here to begin with. But no matter, we have a mission to accomplish and I plan on completing it.

Abigail Adams

I understand what your saying. But we must work though this, and persevere!

Red the Pirate-Ninja

Ah, Abigail Adams, how quickly you adapted to the 21st century – after we discovered you frozen in an 17th century icebox* – even if your style of clothes is a bit out dated.

Editors Notes

As we saw for ourselves in issue #39 womans rights, womans suffrage, womans back! --- Archive Archie.

Abigail Adams

I completely fit in to the 'modern' era. Womens suffrage, womens rights, these are all things i asked my dearly beloved husband to include in the bill of rights.

Abigail Adams drops her head

Abigail Adams

Alas, he called me a “silly woman.”

Red the Pirate-Ninja comforts Abigail Adams

Its okay, now-a-days women control every aspect about a mans life. And we do it, with style!

Julian Maxworthy just stares at the two women with a what the fuck expression.

Eric Backstabber

Well then Julian, whats the plan? It really is pointless for us to be here, i say we move to the Airport and review the tapes to see if our Femward took a plane to some place – wait!

Julian Maxworthy

I know Eric, i just thought of it myself! Quick there is no time! Red!

Red and Abigail Adams quickly, and dramatically turn their heads to their male counterparts.

Julian Maxworthy

Do you happen to know what happened to Sgt. Hayward after the Weapon T project?!

Red the Pirate-Ninja

Yeah, i read his profile on Myspace, during the mission brief, he got out of the army and moved to Salt Lake City, Utah. He works 4 jobs now.

Julian and Eric glance at each other.

Julian Maxworthy (Close up, squinty eyes)

Quickly Purple Team! We may already be too late.

Salt Lake City, Utah.

Brian is driving along in his car recounting his recent victory.

Brian

Man, i can't believe that guy at the gas station has 100 trillion kilo's of cocaine in a hidden passage underneath that Chevron. Too think, i never would have found them if it wasn't for my synthetic left eye – that has x-ray vision, heat vision, can just plainly see though walls as if it wasn't there, has a 25x optical zoom, with a 15x digital zoom on top of that, i can take pictures, video record stuff, and even transmit information to my car. Not to mention that it projects hand puppet lights onto the wall, man thats a hit with the kids.

Just then! Brian's police radio goes off!

Brian's Radio

Brian! There is a massive shooting at the Mormon Temple. Some crazy loony there is covered from head to toe in armor, and is carrying so many guns he could arm and army. We need your help!

Brian picks up the hand mic. (close up)

I'll be there.

Brian drops the hand mic and turns his Super Mustang F-250 around

Man, I'm getting too old for this shit.